Dr. C. has said I should write you a letter for a while now and it's been hard to sit down and write.
I miss you so much.
It's weird, things feel like you're just gone on a longer business trip. Like I haven't seen you in a while. Even though it feels weird I much prefer that feeling to the empty one that creeps up way too often. I miss just being able to call or message you and you were always just there to talk to. The past few years that became such an main part of my day there are still times when I find myself alone thinking it would be the perfect time to just call you up and chat.
This year has had some major ups and downs. Lane has been a wonderful, chubby little blessing. I love being an aunt and godmother, it's a pretty awesome thing. Wish you could see Kevin hang out with Lane. At first he was so scared to even hold him but since Lane got a little bigger Kevin has a new BFF.
I already had a picture in my head of Bethany as a mom but am floored every time I see Lou with Lane. I guess since I'm his little sister I never could imagine him in that role. Seeing them together makes me think of you every time. You showed us both what an amazing dad is and Lou shows this all the time. It saddens me that you're not here to hear all Lane's goofy little sounds and hold him. I think about it a lot how much of a wonderful grandfather you would be. Whenever those thoughts pop up I try and give Lane a little more love and a few more hugs.
The ups this year have been amazing and I wish you were here to see them. I can't believe how things have worked out with my job. You would be so proud of how hard I was working through the stress of the previous Director, finally getting my promotion and now being the acting Director. Crazy that I'm in charge of things for the moment. You would probably tell me that you knew I could do it or that it was only a matter of time. Can you believe that we actually sold the condo and it only took a few months. I still can't believe it. Of course there were issues but it sold.
We all miss you so much. The Family Reunion this year was in Ely again and definitely had some tough moments for me. I talked with everyone about what I want to do with the family history. I wish I had taken more of interest in it before, I'm sorry for that because I know you wanted to share more of it with me. I hate that I had to put in this date a year ago for you, that was not a date I wanted to fill in for a long time. Hopefully I can pick up where you left off and do some awesome things with the family history that would make you proud.
Kelli told me a while ago that it doesn't get easier but does get a little less hard as time goes on. I hope she's right. I love you so much and miss you every single day.